Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
