I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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