Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
