wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
