why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Are we still banned from the library?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
