i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
