Me. At least after what I've been through.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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