And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
