Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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