We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
