Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize