dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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