Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I love you. Go after that dick
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
