Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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