butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
