OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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