he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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