I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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