SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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