I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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