Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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