Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
