Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
