Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
