I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
