Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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