thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
