saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
