I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
