I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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