I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
