You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
