I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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