I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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