from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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