you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The uberlube is also flammable
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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