you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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