what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
