Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize