your parents love me but you hate me
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
