There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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