booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
