Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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