I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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