He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
