If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
