Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
