I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
