i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
