My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Actions speak louder than pants.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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