last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize