Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
