Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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