i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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