You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
