After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
