We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
