Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
