im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Drake has all the answers
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
