Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
