A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
