I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
