Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
