he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
