If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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