We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.