Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
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Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?