They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
