im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
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To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.