my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
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The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.