Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!