During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging