it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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