Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
