hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
