If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
