I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
