swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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