I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
