My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
