I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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