i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
